The most important thing we can learn from them is the skill of resentment or complaining to get what we want. They are geniuses when it comes to getting the things they love. This does not mean that we get all the things we want by complaining.
In this article, we will try to explain resentment from a psychological perspective and the methods available to make this resentment thoughtful and effective.
What is complaining?
Complaining is an effective way to reduce the anger accumulated inside a person. It is an intensive way of expressing dissatisfaction with a reality or a behavior. Resentment contributes to creating a certain impression of yourself in others. Resentment can be a caution to a person to review their actions or behaviors.
In general - as we all know - we grumble or complain daily about something. Complaining is a daily routine toward traffic, water outages, bad weather, work pressure, etc. We can say that it is necessary, unless it bothers those around us, or unless we overuse it because then it will distract us from finding solutions to these problems and make us content with complaining.
Why do we express our resentment and complaint?
- Complaining is a purely personal matter. Some people consider certain things ridiculous and unworthy of attention, while others might consider them things that should not happen, or that they should not happen this way.
- Complaining occurs when bad things escalate to an unexpected level. For example, when you think that you have answered all the questions in the exam correctly, but you are surprised by your low grade, or when the traffic jam is more suffocating than usual. Therefore, it is the human personality that determines the situations that upset them. On the other hand, some people prefer to keep their grumbling to themselves.
- Psychologists have studied resentment and complaining and have found significant differences between the complaints people express. They also found that the most effective complaints make them deal with their problems better and more productively. They concluded that effective resentment is the resentment that occurs when the person believes that they will get a result that makes their work more comfortable and productive, and not a complaint for the sake of complaint only.
- The researchers noted that the complaint should be moderate without exaggeration or empty or boring prolongation. The most important thing is to choose the appropriate time to complain. Also, we must choose the appropriate audience because complaining to people who do not want to hear you is useless, whether your goal is to empty your emotions and anger or to improve the conditions of your work or life. So, you should pick friends who are always ready to listen to you.
- On the other hand, psychotherapists believe that complaining is one of the most important mechanisms through which a person can cope with the trauma or stresses they are exposed to.
By complaining, we express ourselves, and draw the limits of our dealings with others
Expressing resentment is a good way to express oneself and all the anxiety, frustration, or tension one experiences. When we talk or get upset about the things that bother us, we push them away, and cancel or at least minimize their impact on us.
A person can use complaining to adjust some people's behavior toward them or to convey a message about how to deal with them. They can manipulate those around them by developing methods of resentment, which psychologists call "impression shifting."
For example, You are sitting with a group of friends at the dinner table. One of them says: “This sort of food was not properly prepared.” In this implicit dissatisfaction with the food, they are not expressing their dislike of the meal; rather, they are sending a caution that they are very knowledgeable in cooking, and have a good taste when it comes to food. They defined their personality through this simple resentment.
Are complainers more successful than others?
It is known that complaining is not a preferred habit for people. They might disincline from a complaining person and accuse them of negativity or spoiling happy moments. Experts and researchers at the Australian University of New South Wales found that complainers are the most able to make decisive decisions.
The researchers supervising this study point out that this pessimism that characterizes complainers can transform into energy and precision. The study found that people who are always resentful can predestine signs of problems that might occur because they are more able to scrutinize the details of matters, and notice their negatives. Thus, they anticipate the problem with appropriate decisions or procedures. Therefore, their decision is more correct than optimistic people, who do not pay attention to the negatives.
Complainers have long and healthy lives
Researchers have found that complaining people live longer. They continuously empty all bad feelings and negative emotions, whose accumulation in the subconscious leads to negative effects on the human psyche and might cause them mental illness in the future.
There is no doubt that the bad psychological state - resulting from repression - will make the person vulnerable to infection with many germs and viruses due to a weak immune system. They are also at risk of heart attack, stroke, and exacerbation of pre-existing diseases.
All this and more can be avoided by complaining and repeatedly emptying all your negative feelings. So, ignore anyone who doesn't like your complaining.
What happens when we refrain from complaining?
After mentioning all these benefits of resentment or complaining on health and the psychological and professional state, this raises an important question about people who do not express their complaints and dissatisfaction and prefer to keep it to themselves. They either have their own ways to empty these feelings, such as practicing sports activities, engaging in exhausting work, etc., or suppressing these feelings will lead to aggressive behavior.
People express their negative feelings by attacking others, animals, or property, or even harming themselves through carelessness, ignoring things that benefit them, and failure at work.
For example, your boss asks you to perform another task, while you are immersed in resolving a significant issue that affects the productivity of all the company's departments. If you don't object or complain about your manager's request, you might unintentionally neglect one of the two tasks, perform them poorly, or put off their request until the end of the workday or to another day in the belief that you are getting even with them. However, you have actually done a poor job and put yourself at risk of being disciplined or even fired.
Why do some people refrain from complaining?
The reasons why some people refrain from resentment are related to the environment in which they grew up. Pop culture plays a major role in that, as society considers the person who complains unfit to work, or that complaining detracts from their manhood.
The reason could be related to their childhood. It is possible that these people lived in a family atmosphere that prevents expressing opinions, feelings, or ideas. There are reasons related to the ideas and convictions of each person. The lazy personality tends to avoid resentment and complaining, and follow alternative ways to find solutions without confronting frustration or anxiety sources.
In all cases, psychology affirms the necessity of expressing complaint and resentment because suppressing will lead to emptying it in aggressive or negative ways that harm the person themselves and those around them.
Complain to win, not to feel bad
It is preferable to complain at appropriate times. You should avoid expressing resentment when those around you are discussing more important issues, or when you are the center of attention of others. It is inappropriate for the complaining to be repeated about the same problem because that will alienate people from you.
In conclusion
The following words of a Buddhist monk summarize the expected benefit from complaining: "If you can change something, change it. If you can't, why get nervous, angry, or complaining?”
Add comment